What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There summary

Let’s say you’ve just closed a major deal. You probably think it’s only a matter of time before your boss calls you into his office and commends you for your work.

But what if, during the negotiation, you suddenly realized the deal wouldn’t be profitable for the company and decided to back off the prospect? Would you still expect much kudos from your boss? Probably not.

In the previous blinks, we learned that even successful people have bad habits that are holding them back. And one reason their behavior lingers is that people’s behavior is often considered to be part of their personality. Whether these traits are positive (“I’m loyal”) or negative (“I interrupt people”), we think of our behavior as immutable. So we excuse ourselves by saying, “What can I do? That’s just who I am!”

This is especially true of successful people, who tend to believe that they’re entitled to a couple of flaws. But a flaw isn’t a virtue! And the truth is, these bad habits alienate people and hold us back in the long term.

Too often, successful people can’t tell the difference between wanting to win and wanting to win too much. The first part can be a good motivator, but the second is a problem.

It’s natural to want to win, but it’s important not to take it too far. And this isn’t just a professional issue; it’s also a personal one.

As we saw in the previous blink, successful people have the annoying habit of wanting to win way too much. Well, the need to win also triggers the need to improve upon other people’s ideas. But this urge won’t help you in the long-term, because the higher you climb, the less it matters. At the top, it’s about helping make other people winners, not scoring personal victories.

But unfortunately, many experienced leaders have a hard time listening to new ideas without adding their own two cents. Imagine an employee comes into your office with a great idea. She’s super enthusiastic and you agree – it’s a great idea! And yet, you still feel like you could improve it with a few small changes. Although you might think that you’re helping, your suggestions will probably reduce your employee’s enthusiasm and commitment to the project. Because now it will be your idea, not hers.

As you can see, successful people have lots of annoying habits. But underneath most of these behaviors, there’s a single root cause: goal obsession, which is what you get when you focus so much on specific outcomes that you forget the big picture.

Of course, focusing on goals is a useful quality, motivating us to accomplish, despite the obstacles, what we set our minds to. But when it goes beyond reason, goal obsession warps us, distorting our sense of right and wrong.

In theory, everyone appreciates feedback. But in reality, successful people have a difficult time dealing with criticism.

And that’s because these individuals are often highly delusional when it comes to their achievements. For instance, the author once polled three business partners, asking how each individually contributes to the firm’s profits. The three partners’ combined estimate added up to more than 150 percent! In other words, each man thought he was contributing to more than half of the firm’s profit.

Although most parents teach their kids good manners, some successful people think that saying “thank you” or “sorry” represents submissive behavior. But that’s simply not true. If anything, we all need to use those magical words more often.

It might seem like a simple thing, but using the word “sorry” can have a powerful effect. Straightforwardly apologizing can lead to closure, ultimately allowing you to move forward.

If you want to discard your annoying habits for good, you’ll need other people to recognize your progress. And seeking consistent feedback is the best way to gain recognition.

To that end, make a plan to follow up with your coworkers every month (for a period of twelve to eighteen months) and ask whether your behavior is improving.