What is the main message of How to Live?

The main message of How to Live is to find purpose and live a meaningful life.

Who is the author of How to Live?

Judith Valente is the author of How to Live.

Mindfulness & Happiness

How to Live Book Summary - How to Live Book explained in key points

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How to Live summary

Name: How to Live
Rating: 4.6 (216 reviews)
Author: Judith Valente

Judith Valente

What the Rule of St. Benedict Teaches Us About Happiness, Meaning, and Community

4.6 (216 ratings)

23 mins

Brief summary

'How to Live' by Judith Valente is a personal exploration of ancient monastic wisdom and practices in modern-day life. It examines mindfulness, solitude, and finding a balance between work and rest, inspiring readers to live intentionally and with purpose.

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Meaningful Living

Table of Contents

How to Live
Summary of 8 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Uncover the secrets of a sixth-century rulebook on living well.

The learnings of a sixth-century monk aren’t the life lessons most of us would ever imagine needing. But, believe it or not, there are many ways in which the sixth century mirrors our own.

At that time, Roman society was changing. People were losing faith in political leaders, and concerns about race, religion, and foreigners were dividing the public.

In the middle of this turmoil, a man named Benedict of Nursia believed there was a better way to live. So he started his own monastery and laid down clear ground rules for building a harmonious community.

The Rule of St. Benedict was collected in 73 chapters. As you’ll find out, it’s just as relevant now as it was then.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

what the sci-fi movie Arrival teaches us about peaceful communication;
how a haiku can act like a prayer session; and
the Benedictine secrets to good work-life balance.

St. Benedict encouraged his community to listen deeply in order to better understand one another.

When St. Benedict established his monastery, he was trying to escape the greed and injustice of the world around him. You may think of monks as solitary – after all, monk comes from the Greek word monos, meaning one – but St. Benedict’s intention was to build a happy community.

To do so, he needed a set of principles to guide how that community would work. And so The Rules of St. Benedict were born.

The pillars of Benedict’s vision were simplicity, humility, hospitality, gratitude, and praise. But to make those stick, there was one rule he put above all others: the art of listening.

The key message here is: St. Benedict encouraged his community to listen deeply in order to better understand one another.

At the heart of the Benedictine rule book is a call for better listening and for people to clearly communicate and understand one another. Benedict believed that without these three things, a community is doomed to fall apart.

If you’ve seen the 2016 movie Arrival, you’ll know it has a similar message. When aliens descend on Earth, the world’s superpowers are ready to start blowing things up – that is, until a linguist saves the day by listening, communicating and, eventually, understanding that the aliens are peaceful and just trying to help.

As with the aliens from the movie, when we meet new people or people who are different from us, we need to call on the same skills. It’s all too easy to block out voices that seem strange, but if we’re going to thrive, we need to not just listen but, as Benedict urges us, to “listen with the ear of the heart.”

This well-known Benedictine phrase means truly hearing other people. Of course, just because it’s well-known doesn’t mean it’s easy. It takes an awareness of our own tendencies.

The author, for example, was taken aback when a colleague said she could sometimes come across as aggressive and condescending in meetings. Even though it came as a bit of a shock, she took the advice to heart and found a way to listen more and be less forceful with her opinions.

You are constantly listening to your own voice. In order to thrive as part of a community, Benedict encourages you to listen to outside voices as well.

In order to live fully, you must awaken to your surroundings and to the inevitability of death.

One of the author’s favorite fictional characters is Zorba, hero of the novel Zorba the Greek. Zorba is boisterous and larger than life. He embraces each day with enthusiasm, as if he may die at any minute.

For the rest of us, of course, that all-or-nothing attitude is more rare. We’re torn between wanting to embrace life and running on autopilot. When each day asks so much, it can be easy to fall into a routine to meet the constant demands. But living like this takes a toll on our well-being.

Silence and humility are important tools for living peacefully.

St. Benedict was smart. He knew that putting together a community of individuals could easily lead to fights, resentments, and any number of squabbles that cause problems for groups. In particular, he was worried about the harm that can come from gossip and complaining.

Many chapters in The Rule deal directly with these concerns. They talk about how to build community so that we may live not just meaningfully, but peacefully.

Tools like prayer and poetry can help you lead a more balanced life.

Building the perfect life is an impossible task. The same goes for relationships, family, community – there will always be problems. So don’t try for perfection; instead, focus on how you can reduce the problems that come your way and look for the best approaches to resolving them.

As we’ve learned, for his part, Benedict stressed the importance of humility, silence, and having a rich inner life to find balance. But those weren’t the only things.

Forgiveness and hospitality are the keys to peaceful living.

As you’re probably well aware, forgiveness isn’t always easy to come by. If someone’s hurt you or betrayed your trust, it can seem simpler to cut them off than find a path to forgiveness. But this kind of drastic action can leave you saddled with heavy emotional baggage. And in the long run, that’s difficult to carry.

St. Benedict knew this. He was certainly no pushover – the consequence for repeatedly breaking his rules was, ultimately, excommunication – but he also had a policy of forgiveness.

The Rule offers wisdom not only on how to face our faults, but also on how to become better leaders.

Consider how you might like to be remembered when you’re gone. What will keep you in people’s minds? Will it be the wealth you’ve accumulated? The number of cars or homes you own?

For Benedictine monks, it is the actions and the work that we undertake that will last.

We must neglect nothing and remember to live with awe.

Piers Sellers was an astronaut who made three trips to the International Space Station. These journeys allowed him a view of planet Earth that few have ever seen. It was only upon seeing the planet from the distance of space that he understood how fragile and precious Earth is.

We tend to think of the world’s resources as being at our disposal. But in reality, we are only borrowing. Our homes, our relationships, our bodies, as well as our rivers and forests, are only on loan to us. They’ve been placed in our trust, and it is up to us to care for them.

Meaningful work comes from having love for the world and combining action with contemplation.

Some of the world’s greatest minds – historical figures like Aristotle and Plato – talk of work as something that gets in the way of the important business of thinking.

The author’s had the same problem. She’s experienced the struggle of doing work that she loves while also trying to find the time for a more contemplative life. She loves her career as a journalist, but she’s never found happiness in breaking the big story or seeing her name in print.

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What is How to Live about?

How to Live (2018) takes a thoughtful look at the teachings of St. Benedict and how the rules he applied to sixth-century monastic living can help us lead better lives today. From the benefits of cultivating silence to insights into how to be a better leader, find out how The Rule of St. Benedict can help you better navigate the pitfalls of modern life.

How to Live Review

How to Live (2019) by Judith Valente is a thought-provoking exploration of the Benedictine way of life through the lens of seven key virtues. Here's why this book is worth reading:

It offers insightful reflections on how to cultivate virtues such as humility, hospitality, and silence, providing practical wisdom for our modern lives.
The book combines personal experiences with interviews of monks and nuns, creating a rich tapestry of perspectives on the power of these virtues.
Through engaging storytelling, Valente brings the Benedictine way of life to life, making it a fascinating and inspiring read for anyone seeking a more intentional and meaningful existence.

Best quote from How to Live

Run while you have the light of life, that the darkness of death may not overtake you.

—Judith Valente

Who should read How to Live?

Anyone eager to live more meaningfully
People interested in monastic life
Burned-out workers looking for balance

About the Author

Judith Valente is an award-winning journalist, essayist, and poet who’s been a staff writer for publications including the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She has also worked in television and radio and has undertaken speaking engagements and led retreats on the power of poetry and leading a more meaningful work life. Her other books include The Art of Pausing: Meditations for the Overworked and Overwhelmed.

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Mindfulness & Happiness Religion & Spirituality

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