Happy Sexy Millionaire summary

Had Bartlett’s family stayed in their small village in Botswana, Bartlett would have grown up with a very different notion of “enough” and what truly matters. After all, the average life expectancy there was just 49 in the early 2000s. 

But, instead of a life perched at the top of the social ladder in Botswana, Bartlett experienced a life at the very bottom in the UK. As comedian Dave Chapelle once said of himself – and this hit home with Bartlett the instant he heard it – “My parents did just well enough so that I could grow up poor around rich white people.” Like Chappelle, Bartlett inevitably contrasted his family’s stressed existence with that of the better-off people around him..

Our brains are wired to compare. As we can’t possibly assimilate all the information we’re bombarded by at every moment, our brains use relativity – comparing and contrasting – to make quick decisions as we go about our day. 

On the one hand, we’re incredibly fortunate we have the ability to do this. The alternative would be so laborious and draining that we’d be exhausted by lunchtime. 

On the other hand, it’s a behavioral pattern causing us serious harm in today’s hyper-connected age. No longer are we judging ourselves against those only in physical proximity; Instagram and the internet mean we’re just as likely racing to keep up with the Kardashians as the Joneses.

The solution? Strive to compare yourself only to the person you were yesterday. Instead of measuring your growth and progress from the distance between you and some social media influencer, measure yourself from where you started. Few of us take the time to recognize how far we’ve already come, and it’s a practice we’d be better for. 

If necessary (and it often is), mute or unfollow these people online, and do the figurative equivalent in real life. 

If you’d like to keep inspiring figures and role models in your life – virtual or otherwise – go for it – but seek out only a handful, and make sure they’re real individuals who promote healthy ideals rather than their latest sponsorship.