Name: The Power of the Other
Rating: 4.1 (61 reviews)
Author: Henry Cloud

What’s in it for me? Learn to harness the power of positive relationships.

Bad relationships come in many flavors. You may be bullied by a classmate. Or find that you’re always cleaning up the emotional messes of a friend. Or perhaps you fear the day you’ll let down a loved parent who thinks the world of you.

All of these relationships have one thing in common: they are unhealthy and keep you from being the happy, fulfilled person you can and should be.

Fortunately, there are many healthy, beneficial relationships in the world. Sometimes, with the correct tools, we can improve the troubled ties with which we bind ourselves.

These blinks will help you identify the different types of relationships you’re in and show how each affects how you live your life.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

why President Reagan told his security advisor about squirrels in the Rose Garden;
how a relationship might feel great but really be toxic; and
how a “corner four relationship” is the positive bond you need.

Your well-being depends on your brain, your relationships and your mind.

No bodybuilder strengthens just one or two muscles, but trains to improve his entire body.

Cultivating happiness works the same way. If you want to live a happier life, you have to work on yourself as a whole. This means taking care of your mental health, which means taking care of your brain.

The brain functions through a combination of electrical charges, hormones and neurotransmitters. If something upsets the balance of these elements, you won’t feel well. For example, if your brain doesn't secrete a sufficient amount of the chemical serotonin, you'll struggle to focus and potentially feel depressed.

Your success and well-being also depend on your relationships.

Each and every person needs close, supportive relationships to thrive. Strong relationships help us cope with stress, overcome setbacks in our lives and even heal pain.

Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, add stress. They can hamper your ability to deal with tough situations at work, for example. Imagine returning home from a rough day at the office. If you turn to a partner to vent but your partner just makes fun of you, you'll feel even worse.

In addition to taking care of your brain and your relationships, you also have to tend to your mind.

Your mind isn't the same thing as your brain, however. Your brain is like a piece of hardware, where your mind is the software that runs it. Your mind is essentially the mental process that works to decode incoming information, and importantly, determines how you react to this information.

Understanding what's happening in your mind is a key element of living well. When you understand your mind, you can stay in control of your thoughts and better manage your emotions.

All three components – your brain, mind and relationships – are crucial in leading a happy life. Now we’re going to go deeper and focus on just one of these elements: your relationships.

Avoid these harmful relationships: those with no connection, a bad connection or a fake connection.

Every relationship falls into one of four categories or connection corners. Let's start with the three kinds of relationships you should avoid.

The first kind is a corner one relationship, in which you can’t claim a real connection with the other person. You don't exchange any meaningful information or positive energy with the person, so you don't get anything substantial out of the relationship.

In sincere relationships, people thrive as they can be their true selves and openly admit weaknesses.

Do you have close friends or relatives with whom you can fully be yourself? People with whom you don't have to fear letting your guard down?

When you're with people like this, you show your true self – not the false self you often present to the world.

Meaningful, connected relationships energize us and help us thrive in everything we do.

Have you ever walked into a party, class or meeting and immediately felt good? Sometimes a space exudes positive energy, even if you can't put your finger on the reason why.

This feel-good energy is generated from corner four relationships.

A person with whom you're well-connected will offer you freedom and valuable feedback.

A person who respects you won't necessarily solve your problems for you. In fact, the opposite is usually true.

Let's look at the reasons why.

Corner four relationships help you to accept failure and bounce back from it.

Pixar is one of the best animation studios in the world. Their greatest films, like Up and WALL-E, became instant classics when they were released. So it might surprise you to learn that when Pixar starts a new project, the first work they produce is usually terrible!

It's natural to fail and start out less than perfectly. Even the greatest projects often have a bumpy start, and setbacks are simply part of the process. When you begin a project, there's usually some distance between where you are and where you want to be. It’s totally normal to make mistakes when learning a new skill, like playing piano or investing in the stock market.