Your Turn summary

Many of us have an unhealthy relationship with the word perfect, often because of cultural or parental pressures. But perfect is a mirage; it’s an impossible demand, the pursuit of which is guaranteed to breed misery.

There’s only one course of action here: break up with perfection. Your dream life won’t happen because you’re “perfect”; it’ll happen through learning and growth.

Think about the most wonderful people you know. What are their characteristics? Maybe they’re loving? Caring? Kind? You can reason, then, that being loving, caring, and kind is important to others. In short, it’s good to be good.

You also know it’s impossible to be perfect; at times, you might find yourself being inconsiderate or an outright asshole. But adulting means you’re not complacent about it.

This is your adulthood. Someday, you’ll die, and it’ll be over. So there’s no use in trying to put it off until you’re “better” at it, or “ready” for it, or “capable” of enjoying it. The time to embrace being an adult is now.

The things you practice and try out now are providing your future self with knowledge and expertise. It’s not important where you start, but that you start.

In 1972, a group of children at Bing Nursery School were given one marshmallow each. If they waited 15 minutes to eat it, they were told, they'd receive a second. Some of the kids immediately devoured their treat, while others waited and got two. The professor conducting the study went on to track the kids for years; he discovered that those who’d waited for the second marshmallow went on to achieve more “success” on standardized tests, in school, and in their careers.

Money is like the marshmallows. If you conserve some now rather than consuming it all at once, a bigger payoff awaits you down the line. Money isn’t all there is to life. But it does help you lead the life you want to live – and it helps you support people and issues that are close to your heart.

So you’ve started to figure out what you love, and what you’re good at, and how to get there – great! Now, keep in mind that you can do those things longer, and better, if you’re taking care of your physical and mental well-being.

Many of us deal with depression, racism, sexism, trauma, or self-destructive behaviors on a daily basis. No wonder the sitcom BoJack Horseman is so popular. Getting to know yourself and practicing self-care so you can function well is arguably the most personal, adult thing you can do.

You’ve just gotten fired. Someone you love isn’t doing well. Or maybe you’re going through a painful breakup. In other words, shit has hit the fan. When bad things – inevitably – happen in life, feeling better might not be as simple as getting a kiss and a Band-Aid from a parent. But there are myriad productive ways to cope.

The ’60s TV show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood instructed children to “look for the helpers” if they were having trouble. The same holds true now that you’re an adult. Hearing others’ stories of struggle can buoy you during tough times, which is why support groups are so effective. If you’re in shock, call someone to give you perspective – even if it’s the middle of the night.

What’s the purpose of human existence? Well, according to spiritual guru Ram Dass, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

Life can sometimes feel like a burden, but we’re all on this journey together – and mindfulness, kindness, and gratitude can make it a whole lot easier.