Saving Face summary

In the fast-paced, digitally mediated world of international business, the human element can often get lost in the shuffle. So, how can we still succeed in this environment without forfeiting our social relations?

These blinks show how the age-old concept of “saving face” can provide some much-needed insight. They explain how to cultivate and maintain strong, authentic relationships across cultures, time zones, generations, and other divides that keep us apart. 

Drawing on Maya Hu-Chan’s decades of experience in the world of international management, these blinks present actionable advice on connecting with others in business and in your personal life. With this helpful guide by your side, you’ll be ready to enrich your relationships with a true personal touch. 

In these blinks, you’ll learn

• why you don’t order a Big Mac in India;
• what it means to reply “Yes, and...” to your colleagues; and
• why you can’t unspill a cup of coffee.

It’s early in the morning; you’re still a bit sleepy. You stumble and drop your coffee mug, and in an instant, your freshly brewed beverage goes everywhere. Coffee spreads across the table, splashes down onto the floor, and sprays all over your clean shirt. 

What a mess! Sure, with some effort you can clean it up. But, what if you wanted to make it like the accident never occurred. Could you ever get all that coffee back into your cup? Not likely. And, even if you could, you probably wouldn’t want to drink it.

Face works the same way. Like a spilled drink, it’s a lot easier to lose face than to restore it to its original level.

The key message here is: The best way to save face is to avoid losing it in the first place.

To start with, let’s look at what makes a person lose face. Essentially, someone loses face whenever they are made to feel fear, shame, vulnerability, or any other negative emotion. Making a mistake at work – that loses face. Accidentally insulting an acquaintance – that also loses face. Tripping and spilling your coffee? You guessed it: lost face.

Sometimes, losing a bit of face is OK. If you and a close friend have a strong relationship, the occasional faux pas isn’t going to completely derail it. However, if the social bond is a little bit more tenuous, even a small slip up can be a problem. After all, just think of how hard it is to bounce back from a poor first impression.

Since face is so crucial to ensuring smooth social relations, you want to conserve as much as possible for everyone around you. Yes, you don’t want to lose face – but you don’t want to make anyone else lose it either. The best way to do this is to always approach situations with empathy. That means being sensitive to the perspective of others and treating people accordingly.

This is especially important in cross-cultural interactions. For instance, in the United States, many CEOs value being approachable and may appreciate a casual conversation. However, in Japan, business hierarchies are more strict. Taking a similar casual tone would be seen as rude, causing both of you to lose face.

Avoid embarrassment by learning the customs and expectations of those you’re meeting. This could end up saving you face that would take ages to restore.

Imagine you’re a highly skilled engineer from China. You’re invited to fly all the way to Arizona to participate in a prestigious workshop. At first, it feels like quite an honor. But when you arrive, there’s a problem. All the presenters are speaking English – and they’re speaking it fast.

Since English is your second language, it’s not easy to keep up even though you’re an expert on the topic. You feel embarrassed and ignored. Suddenly, this prestigious workshop doesn’t feel like such an honor.

While the organizers surely wanted you to feel welcome, it wasn’t enough. Even if their intentions were pure, their actions were superficial. 

The key message here is: Honoring face requires an authentic interest in others.

A lot of the time, people only think about face as something to be saved. That is, face only comes up when there’s a mistake to be fixed or a problem to avoid. However, this is a very shallow way of thinking about the status, respect, and dignity of others. It treats someone's face as trivial – simply a means to an end. 

This is a problem because people are very good at spotting when someone is insincere. Just think of all the times a tired shop clerk has asked you to “have a nice day.” Do you feel a rush of joy and appreciation hearing the rote repetition of this phrase? No, because you know they don’t actually care about the rest of your day in any deep or personal way. They’re just doing their job.

If your attempts to handle face are similarly surface-level, they will be ineffective at best and patronizing at worst. So, instead of merely trying to save face, work on honoring face as well. This means taking an honest interest in recognizing the worth and value of people as an end in itself. 

In the professional world, honoring face means treating workers as the real, complex human beings they are. For instance, don’t just dole out tasks attached to mechanistic rewards and punishments. Take the time to learn what actually motivates employees and tailor your workplace to those needs. You may find that offering public recognition, additional responsibilities, or more autonomy is more valuable than any monetary bonus.

Being authentically concerned with face isn’t always easy, but people will notice the difference. Your efforts may even increase your own face over time.

Let’s say you’re a manager at a large marketing firm. One of your employees has been consistently good at their job – that is, until recently. Their latest sales forecasts have been way off target. It seems like they’re making fundamental errors. 

What do you do to save face? 

The easy approach is to intervene and quietly assign them different tasks. Yet, this wouldn’t really solve anything. They wouldn’t learn to forecast correctly, your other employees would have extra work, and it would make you seem weak. 

It’s better to be direct. This way, when you tell your colleague they’re slipping up, it gives them a chance to do it better and improve, thus preserving their dignity. 

The key message here is: You can’t save face by avoiding conflict.

When there’s a problem in the workplace, there’s a broad spectrum of ways to approach it. On one end is not addressing it at all. You can simply ignore the issue and sweep it under the rug. On the other end is direct, harsh confrontation. This method involves calling out and condemning faults in a brutally honest fashion. 

Unsurprisingly, both extremes of this spectrum are awful avenues for saving face. The soft approach deprives people of the opportunity for making their case or proving their worth. Meanwhile, the aggressive approach can make people feel defensive or belittled. It’s much better to land somewhere in the middle, where you can tackle a problem in a way that is collaborative and constructive.

In fact, embracing conflict is an integral part of saving face – as long as everyone involved is treated with dignity and respect. Innovative CEO Steve Jobs advocated this approach. Under his watch, Apple was known for its boisterous and lively meetings where people would vehemently argue over designs and strategies. The result was often a better product because there was more nuanced input.

On top of this, employees felt valued and important. Even if their ideas were pulled apart and rejected, they at least had the chance to have their voice heard. Clearly, creating space for open debate, disagreement, and, yes, even outright conflict isn’t antithetical to saving face – it’s at the very heart of the concept.

What makes a workplace team successful? This is a pressing question, and every company wants to know the secret. Luckily, like with so many questions, Google can help find some answers.

The company tasked its People Operations Department with finding out what made its most effective teams tick. To gather insights, the department interviewed more than 200 workers around the globe.

The results were surprising. They found out it wasn’t a team's composition, years of experience, or even material resources that matter the most. Instead, it was the atmosphere and attitude within the team that predicted success. 

Teams that cultivated positive, welcoming environments always outperformed teams that fostered negative and hostile ones.

Here’s the key message: Honor face by creating a psychologically safe workplace.

So, what does it mean to be psychologically safe? The term comes from Harvard professor Amy Edmonson. She describes this form of safety as a comforting quality people experience when they believe they can express themselves without risking rejection and humiliation.

In a psychologically safe workplace, everyone feels free to share ideas, information, and feedback without negative repercussions. Essentially, it’s a type of working atmosphere where people don’t have to spend a lot of energy worrying about losing face. This way, everyone’s effort can be directed toward productive goals like developing new ideas or solving important problems.

Building a psychologically safe workplace requires collaboration. Colleagues can help set the right tone by taking extra care to be empathetic and encouraging toward each other. Try establishing good habits like routinely checking in with everyone's feelings, creating space in meetings so quieter members can be heard, and encouraging people to cut back on negative behaviors like making too many sarcastic comments.

A company that has found success in the psychological safety model is the animation studio Pixar. During brainstorming sessions, the company’s writers use something called the “plussing” rule. When someone pitches a new idea, no one rejects it. Instead, they build on it by agreeing and adding with the phrase “Yes, and...” With this positive, nonjudgmental method, the writers feel inspired to think up wilder, more creative concepts.

In the next blink, we’ll look at some more concrete strategies for building a workplace where face is valued and saved.

Think about your dream home. What qualities does it have? A certain number of rooms? A special aesthetic style? Maybe it has a custom feature like a rooftop greenhouse. Everyone’s picture is different. 

However, no matter what you’re imagining, one thing is the same: you’re not going to find this exact dream house already out there, waiting in the real estate classifieds. No, to realize your unique vision, you’ll have to hire an architect and build it yourself.

Business relationships act the same way. A one-size-fits-all approach will surely leave some people dissatisfied. It's much more rewarding to construct a unique relationship based on each person’s needs.

The key message here is: The best relationships are built from the ground up.

Every business relationship has different needs and objectives. So, the exact tone and texture of each relationship should reflect those unique qualities. Constructing such a custom connection doesn’t have to be a daunting task. You just have to BUILD it.

In this case, BUILD is a helpful acronym. Each letter stands for an element to consider when developing the structure of a partnership. Let’s take a look at each in turn.

The B is for benevolence and accountability. This addresses the exchange that every business hierarchy contains. For instance, an employee must be accountable to a boss by doing what they ask. However, a boss must be benevolent to an employee by providing support and guidance. In any relationship, it’s important to maintain a good balance of these duties.

Next is U, for understanding. It’s crucial to understand how each party sees a relationship. This works at every level. A boss must understand how each employee sees their job, and likewise, every employee must understand how their clients see their services. 

The I is for interaction. Each relationship has a style of interaction that works best. Some can handle sporadic email updates, while others flourish more with in-person chats and casual conversation.

L is for learning. No relationship is static. It’s important to always be open to new information. For example, if someone’s needs change, you must be ready to learn those new desires.

Finally, D is for delivery. This last element is about combining the previous four. Once you’ve considered and experimented with what works best, it’s up to you to deliver that unique combination of qualities to your partners. Delivering on the promise of a strong, individualized relationship is the most important aspect of BUILD.

If you drive to work, you probably know the route very well. After all, every day you’re in the same car, taking the same streets, experiencing the same traffic laws. Actually, you might even feel like you could do it on autopilot. 

Now, what if you were driving a new car to a new destination in a completely different country? Not so easy. The car would feel strange, the laws would be unfamiliar, and you might not even be driving on the same side of the road. Attempting autopilot here would be a disaster.

Doing business across cultures can be similarly unsettling. If you do things as you normally would, you may be in for an embarrassing accident. 

The key message here is: Preserve face by amping up your cultural agility.

Different cultures have different norms, customs, and rules. In an international business context, this means you can’t always follow the same model in various locations and expect to find the same success. Even a major player like McDonalds must adjust its offerings for different regions. While a Big Mac might be a hit in the United States, in India many people are vegetarian – so meat-free fare dominates the menu.

Yet, not all cultural differences are so obvious. Like an iceberg, the majority of cultural diversity is hidden below the surface. It takes extra attention to handle these more subtle distinctions. For example, if someone proposes an infeasible idea, in the US it’s appropriate to say: “No, that won’t work.” In contrast, in Japan, a direct rejection would be crude and result in lost face. A colleague in Tokyo might instead muse “I’m not so sure” and expect others to get the hint.

Save yourself from a face-losing faux pas by practicing cultural agility – that is, learning to nimbly navigate changing cultural contexts. One way to do this is with the AAA model. Each A is a different step toward a more agile disposition. 

First, be Aware that cultural differences are real and prepared for when they might come up. Next, Acquire knowledge about different cultures. If you’re taking a business trip, spend some time reading up on the local customs and etiquette. Be curious, and ask questions. Finally, Adapt new behaviors when necessary. Making an effort to incorporate different approaches will be appreciated even if you occasionally slip up.

Always remember the three A’s: Aware, Acquire, and Adapt.

When Dr. Darlene Solomon applied to be VP of the technology firm Agilent, she faced stiff competition from the other internal applicants. Sure, she had skills and experience, but so did they. Also, they were all men.

Still, in the end, Solomon got the prestigious promotion. And now she had a new challenge: working with an all-male team who may be uneasy with a woman in charge. So, she set about earning their trust.

Solomon met individually with each colleague. She listened to their thoughts and concerns and asked for their support in the coming transition. Each and every team member was impressed with her competence and candor. The extra effort paid off; within a year, Solomon was one of the most respected leaders at the company.

The key message here is: Workplace sexism can make saving face especially valuable for women.

In the past few decades, women have made great strides in the professional realm. Today, more and more women serve in high-profile roles – from CEO to prime minister. Yet, despite these great advancements, women still face cultural barriers in the form of stereotypes, unconscious biases, and even outright sexism. 

It’s unjust, and this additional layer of social pressure makes navigating the working world especially tricky. Consider the story of Susan, a high-ranking professional at a technology company. She noticed that in meetings, her ideas were often ignored. Yet, when a man made the same point, he got credit and praise. This unfair dynamic is sometimes called a “micro-inequality.”

Addressing such inequality is difficult. Even if it were true, directly calling her colleagues sexist would make them lose face. Some subtle strategies might include adopting a more proactive demeanor. Susan could make a habit of promoting her work and ideas from the get-go. Even if it’s uncomfortable at first, a little bragging can go a long way.

Even better, she could collaborate with other women in the office. Each female colleague could make an extra effort to repeat and credit each other's ideas and accomplishments. This form of solidarity is called “amplifying” and can help marginalized voices be heard more often.

Either way, it’s important for women to stand up and take the credit and respect they deserve. After all, allowing oblivious men to unconsciously, or consciously, reinforce biased gender dynamics hurts everyone involved. When negative stereotypes are given too much space, everyone loses face.

Imagine, for a second, that Joel – your best salesperson – just closed a huge deal. In the process, though, he made the client a couple big promises that will be hard to keep. You send him a quick note, reprimanding him on the risky move. Now you’ve got a new problem: Joel wants to resign.

What went wrong? Well, for one, Joel is based in the Philippines. In his culture, getting singled out for making a hazardous mistake is a big deal. It’s not just about flubbing a professional process; it’s an assessment of his whole character. It’s hard to come back from this loss of face. 

Of course, you can reassure him into sticking around with a personal chat and an apology. But maybe next time, it’s better to avoid the whole affair with a more nuanced approach to the situation.

The key message here is: Save everyone’s face by giving proper feedback.

Leadership is about more than just telling people what to do. Any good leader also helps their team continually improve by assessing their performance. However, giving people feedback in the wrong way could do more harm than good. As cultural expert Diana Rowland explains, harsh criticism can be very threatening. Even a few negative comments can awaken the brain’s primal fight-or-flight response.

One way to make this process less personally painful is to make it both well-rounded and anonymous by using a system known as 360-degree feedback. This involves collecting performance information from everyone you work with – the people above you, below you, and those on an equal footing. Then, synthesize all that information into one cohesive report with no names attached.

When you present your findings, make the environment as stress-free as possible. Set aside ample time and a private space. Then, deliver the results in a friendly and straightforward way that highlights both good and bad news. Don’t sugarcoat hard truths, but don’t be too blunt either. The goal is to be authentic and leave room for your colleague to respond.

Another helpful approach is to focus less on feedback and more on “feedforward.” This means that, rather than harping on past mistakes or missteps, you instead frame the discussion around what can be done better in the future. This way, the conversation becomes much more optimistic. After all, proper feedback should inspire workers to reach their full potential.