How to Say Anything to Anyone summary

Imagine this. A friend suddenly stops talking to you, with no explanation. Or you have an amazing date, but you never hear from them again. 

Of course you want to know why. But do you ask?

The truth is, most of us are wimps. We find it difficult to speak up, or to ask for clarity, so we stay quiet. Instead of finding out what went wrong, we’re left guessing, making assumptions about the situation.

It’s the same thing in the workplace. Let’s say you have a performance appraisal after what you thought was a great year. If you find out that your boss has a very different opinion, it’ll probably come as a shock.

These situations are so common, yet they’re completely avoidable. 

So let’s be candid with each other for a change. Let’s communicate openly, honestly, and directly.

Essentially, humans are “why” machines. We want to understand how and why things happen. 

And in the absence of information, we make assumptions. For example: “My boss just doesn’t like me. I don’t have a future at this company.”

Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re wrong. But unless you talk about it, you’ll never know the truth.

Think of it this way – knowledge is power. When you know what people really think, you have choices. You’re more in charge of your career.

Shari Harley is a communication expert who specializes in improving working relationships. According to Harley, to a great extent, our career satisfaction depends on the quality of our relationships.

For that reason, we should make a conscious effort to improve communication with everyone we work with – whether that’s our boss, our coworkers, our employees, or our clients.

Better communication means – you guessed it – more candor.

Here’s an example. Let’s say someone is texting on their phone during a meeting. It’s getting on everyone’s nerves, but no one speaks up.

After all, there’s no official rule about phone use during meetings. Nothing’s been said. So how do you start that conversation now?

These situations are tricky. If someone is being held to a standard they’re unaware of, and then they get called out, they might feel upset or resentful.

But there’s an easy way to avoid these kinds of situations – make an agreement beforehand.

Inevitably, in any working relationship, problems and challenges arise. So take a preventive approach, and communicate your expectations in advance.