Name: The Desire Map
Rating: 3.9 (62 reviews)
Author: Danielle LaPorte

What’s in it for me? Meet your desires and let them guide you.

Sometimes, desires can be painful and lead to destructive outcomes. After all, if we weren’t haunted by desires, there’d be no bitter wars and no lovesickness.

But at the same time, they are vitally important for our existence. It’s not just that your life would be bland without them – a life without desires would be close to impossible, the human race would simply stop reproducing!

That’s one of the things you’ll learn from these blinks. What’s more, you’ll glean some deep insights into the character of your desires. You’ll discover what to watch out for if you want to recognize your deepest desires and learn how to let them guide you to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

These blinks will explain

why it’s a good thing to hanker after that adorable girl or boy in your science class – even if you never get to kiss them;
about the special way feelings can be true even though they’re not facts;
why you’d better think twice before you dismiss a big-nosed guy (or woman).

Desire fuels our lives.

Rarely do we think of desire as something more than a sexual impulse. But desire doesn’t just drive our animal instincts! So what does it do? Let’s investigate what desire really is, and what we use it for.

Desire is the power of wanting. It’s an engine of creativity and a purposeful force. When we desire something, we’re willing to plot and plan to get it. Desire is something we act upon, and it’s something for which we make sacrifices. It can make us angry, it can thrill us, or it can fill us with despair. In all cases, desiring something forces us to get creative in order to work out how we’re going to get what we want.

Can you remember a high school crush you had? If there was someone you sat behind in science whom you really wanted to kiss, perhaps you thought up all sorts of creative ways to make them notice – dropping hints, writing notes, and so on.

Desire is also a force that pushes your evolution as a person. Imagine if every time you met someone new, they gave you a written list of all their desires. You’d certainly learn a lot about them very fast! Our desires reflect things we face in our current realities and reveal our dreams for the future. Often, fears get in the way of our desires for the future. By tackling our fears, we’ll also tackle our dissatisfaction with life as we become brave enough to achieve all the things we desire. This is precisely what helps us grow as individuals.

Finally, desire is the spark that keeps our will to live burning. Could you imagine a life where you stopped wanting things altogether? Without the desire for food, love, sex, companionship or achievement we’d have nothing to get us out of bed in the morning. In other words, our desire fuels us.

Follow your feelings to navigate those tricky life decisions.

We’re often advised to make decisions based on facts, not feelings. Why? Because facts are considered a measure of the truth, while feelings seem to mislead us. Unlike facts, feelings aren’t true to everyone. But your subjective feelings are “true” too! They’re simply true to you, and nobody else.

If you’ve ever called someone annoying, you haven’t stated a fact. But you have shared some sort of truth – that the person makes you feel annoyed.

Free your desires from the pressure of others, and welcome the unexpected!

Has all this talk about core desires got you thinking? Well, good! Working out what your desires are isn’t just enlightening – it’s liberating too. Many of us waste our time chasing what we think are our desires. But unfortunately, we’re simply chasing things that others desire for us.

If you’re striving to get married before you hit a certain age, or are pushing yourself to earn a certain amount of money this year, have a think about whether you’re subject to pressure from others. What are your real desires? By figuring this out, you’ll be able to discern when you’re simply trying to prove yourself to your peers, and free yourself from this behavior.

Goals that you dread aren’t worth chasing.

Ever chased a goal and achieved it, but still felt empty? These are the goals that aren’t in accordance with your true desires. So, drop them!

The author used to set strict, quantifiable goals for her life, whether it was a figure she wanted to earn that year or a date she wanted to publish a book by. But these hard numbers only succeeded in stressing her out. Goal-setting can be daunting and it can make us nervous, but it should always make us feel excited and happy too.

Make peace with your weaknesses and rise above them.

Ever dreamt of becoming an acclaimed writer or a successful designer, but promptly nipped those plans in the bud? Chances are that a voice in your head told you that those aspirations were ridiculous. This is exactly the voice that you must ignore.

Make peace with the goals you want to achieve. Whether they’re fantastical or humble, if your goals make you feel good, then don’t criticize yourself for having them. By the same measure, you should also be careful not to make fun of the goals of your friends and family. Each of us should feel free to do what we desire, whether it’s opening our own restaurant or rescuing injured animals.

Key ideas in The Desire Map