Thrivers Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Thrivers

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Zusammenfassung von Thrivers

Name: Thrivers
Rating: 4.4 (190 reviews)
Author: Michele Borba

Michele Borba

The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

4.4 (190 Bewertungen)

25 Min.

Inhaltsübersicht

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What’s in it for me? Learn how to set your child up for real success.

While today’s kids are smart, driven, and ambitious, they’re also more likely to be anxious, stressed, depressed, and even more suicidal than any previous generation.

So, what’s gone wrong?

Put simply, we’ve raised strivers – high-achievers who push for accolade after accolade – and forgotten that there’s more to success and happiness than just acing your exams.

These blinks explore ways in which we can rethink our approach to parenting and have happier, more relaxed children for it.

Along the way, you’ll learn:

why it’s fine for your child not to be good at everything;
how to recognize and encourage kids’ true strengths; and
what the Wright brothers can teach you about curiosity.

We need to teach kids more than how to pass exams.

What is it like to be a kid today?

That’s exactly the question the author asked tweens and teens across the United States in a series of focus groups. Unfortunately, their answers paint a picture of a generation in crisis.

According to them, there’s no time for friends, hobbies, or just being a kid between schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and social media. They spend less time hanging out with one another and more time cultivating a picture-perfect version of themselves online. Expectations are sky-high and they’re worried about failing to meet them. In short, they’re lonely and stressed.

The key message in this blink is: We need to teach kids more than how to pass exams.

During one focus group, the author talked to middle-school students in Boston. A boy named Aiden listened thoughtfully as his classmates chatted about their lives. When he finally spoke, he pointed at a game lying on a nearby table with an incomplete wooden puzzle on its cover. “That puzzle is us,” he said: “We’re trying to fit into the world but can’t because we’re missing pieces.”

But, which pieces are missing?

Well, look at the situation from these kids’ point of view. They exist in a hyper-competitive environment where success is all about striving for more: better grades, greater accolades, more likes on social media. Whatever the achievement, it’s always linked to a struggle for recognition that pits children against their peers. No wonder kids are stressed!

Unsurprisingly, lots of adolescents feel the same way as Aiden – that kids are being raised to be “products” and the things that make us human just aren’t being taught. Things like how to be a person, or get along with others, handle mistakes, and cope with stress.

The missing piece, it turns out, is character – that bundle of qualities like self-confidence, perseverance, empathy, and creativity which allows us to navigate the setbacks and uncertainties of the adult world. If we’re only teaching our kids to strive and pass exams, we’re setting them up for a fall once they enter the world. That’s the last thing we want. The goal, after all, isn’t to create a generation of high-achievers who burn out before they’re even eligible to vote – it’s to foster healthy, happy people.

If you want happy kids, you have to nurture their true talents.

In his book Authentic Happiness, the American psychologist Martin Seligman argues that the key to happiness is self-confidence.

Seligman believes that we only flourish when we apply our greatest strengths at work, play, and in relationships. Doing things that speak to our strengths motivates us to improve, which in turn brings success and self-confidence. That’s a recipe for happiness. But before that can happen, we have to discover our strengths.

It’s time to start seeing your kids for who they really are.

The thing is, conventional markers of achievement, like grades, do matter. But, as we’ve seen, pushing kids to focus on nothing else is downright counterproductive.

So let’s shift the emphasis. Let’s help our kids thrive.

Competition has eroded empathy among young people.

Empathy is often reduced to the ability to feel someone else’s pain, but there’s more to it than that. In fact, empathy has three distinctive components.

Sharing someone else’s feelings is one of them. Call it affective empathy. Then there’s behavioral empathy – acting compassionately out of empathetic concern. And finally, cognitive empathy is about understanding how and why other people come to hold the views that they do.

Teaching kids “emotional literacy” makes them more empathetic.

Can empathy be learned, or is it locked into an uncrackable genetic code? Recent research suggests that we often overstate the importance of genetics when we think about this skill.

A 2018 paper published in the journal Translational Psychiatry shows that just 10 percent of differences between people’s abilities to empathize are hardwired. So what accounts for the remaining 90 percent?

Curiosity and creativity decline as kids get older.

Your daughter discovers a new fact about dinosaurs. Your son visits a museum and returns home fascinated by the history of aviation. Suddenly, they want to know more!

This is curiosity, or the recognition, pursuit, and desire to openly explore novel things openly.

Curiosity can be encouraged at home.

Since grades matter, there’s no getting around the fact that your child will have to master the none-too-creative task of passing standardized tests at school.

But this task is unlikely to satisfy his natural curiosity, which is why it’s so important that you provide outlets for experimentation and creativity.

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Worum geht es in Thrivers?

Thrivers (2021) is a study of what it means to be a child in today’s fast-paced, ultra-competitive, and digital world. Kids are achieving more and more, but they’ve never felt so lonely and stressed. In our rush to prepare them for an uncertain future, we’ve taught them to strive for accolades but forgotten that there’s more to success – and happiness – than test scores and grades. What’s missing is an emphasis on helping them thrive.

Bestes Zitat aus Thrivers

Real self-confidence is an outcome of doing well, facing obstacles, creating solutions, and snapping back on your own.

—Michele Borba

Wer Thrivers lesen sollte

Parents worried about their kids’ futures
Teachers on the frontlines of our burnout-inducing education system
Psychologists interested in child development

Über den Autor

Michele Borba is an educational psychologist and best-selling author with over 40 years of experience helping parents and their children. She’s also written UnSelfie, a study of empathy in an age of egocentric social media, and is a regular contributor to TV shows including Today, Dateline, The View, Dr. Phil, NBC Nightly News, Fox & Friends, Dr. Oz, and The Early Show.

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