Real Life summary

A few months before embarking on an intensive retreat led by Sayadaw U Pandita, a close friend of Salzberg’s died by suicide. She was still shaken when the retreat came around but was reluctant to share this with the esteemed Burmese teacher. 

One day, U Pandita asked whether she’d been crying. Salzberg conceded she had but – wanting to be seen as a good practitioner – said only a little. U Pandita’s response both surprised and freed her: Salzberg was encouraged to “cry her heart out” to ensure she completely metabolized the sadness. 

Robert Thurman is a well-known author and scholar of Tibetan Buddhism. One of his eyes is an ocular prosthetic. Thurman lost his left eye in an accident at just 20 years old – something many of us would find a devastating blow. Geshe Wangyal, his teacher at the time, counseled him otherwise: “Never be ashamed of what happened to you. You have lost one eye but gained a thousand eyes of wisdom.” 

A delicate balance is required when it comes to navigating life’s most challenging situations, such as illness, loss, and caregiving. On one hand, it’s important not to “brightside” reality with toxic positivity. On the other, we don’t want to actively seek out unnecessary suffering, hoping to somehow fast-track our way to enlightenment. 

Salzberg was struggling. She was midway through writing her tenth book and feeling small and stuck. The words weren’t flowing, and she was seriously questioning whether people still found her relevant. 

A friend called and offered to take her to a show on Broadway. Salzberg accepted, and the two went to see an early performance of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. Salzberg was floored. She declined her friend’s invitation to dinner after the show and hastened home to write. 

Indra’s Net is one of the most striking images from Buddhist philosophy. A representation of the known universe, Indra’s Net stretches the length and breadth of space and time, with a clear, radiant jewel sitting at every place the threads meet. 

The belief is that each of us is one of those jewels – inherently lucid and interconnected. So, if a fully engaged life is defined as one of clarity and connection, Indra’s Net can be a powerful visual reminder of our true nature. 

During the COVID-19 lockdowns, Salzberg spent her Passovers tuned into Saturday Night Seder on YouTube. For those unfamiliar with the Jewish ceremony, Seder concludes with the generations-old aspiration to be free. In its own way, it acknowledges life’s sorrows and suffering while reminding us that we can still remain tethered to something bigger. 

Unlike goals or bucket lists, aspirations aren’t something you “check off.” Instead, an aspiration acts as an ever-present North Star, guiding you through all life’s seasons.