The Psychology Behind Your Fear of Failure
Popular failure quotes and proverbs such as “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again” are easy to remember and recite. Mustering the determination to actually overcome defeat can be challenging.
Take the efforts of this budding young martial artist, for instance:
Failure + Perseverance = Success pic.twitter.com/Nv7Lr2ifzR
— Michael Loftman (@michael_loftman) 13 May 2019
This boy fought through tears and falls as he failed five times before achieving his goal.
Moments like this can have a profound impact on an individual, especially when they occur at a young age. But the older we get, the less likely we are to exhibit such a persistent effort in the face of adversity. Often, this is due to a fear of failure — also known as atychiphobia — which can develop during youth.
Whether it’s flunking an exam or getting rejected by a romantic interest, failure is no joy. And for some people, this sense of dread can become so great they give up on attempting to achieve their dreams.
But where does this insecurity come from, and is there a way to leverage a fear of failure to your advantage?
Why We Develop a Fear of Failure
Most people with atychiphobia find it hard to face failure. They believe that if there’s a chance of failing at something, there’s no point in even trying to do it.
Yet this attitude isn’t an inherent trait. Fear of failure may develop for many reasons, ranging from growing up with critical parents to bullying or a traumatic event.
If you’ve ever failed at something and wound up feeling humiliated or upset, these emotions may have stayed with you far beyond the initial incident. If left unchecked self-doubt can develop into a force that hurts your ambitions.
The Consequences of Self-Doubt
“Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear.”
According to a 2018 report from the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor, roughly one-third of wantrepreneurs don’t start a business because of fear of failure.
Although a recent study revealed that a parasite present in cat poop might actually lead some aspiring business owners to overcome this fear, it’s probably not a good idea to rummage through a kitty’s litter box in hopes of finding the courage to launch a new enterprise.
Mindset
- 15 min reading time
- audio version available
In Carol Dweck’s Mindset: The New Technology of Success, the author describes how failure has an effect on people who don’t believe they can learn from their mistakes. Dweck explains how this kind of fixed mindset could lead to a single failure appearing worse.
This is because such individuals see themselves as finished products rather than works in progress. Yet, at the other end of the spectrum, people with growth mindsets perceive such setbacks as opportunities to advance.
A Fresh Perspective on Feeling Like a Failure
“Your conception of failure might not be too far removed from the average person’s idea of success.”
Fear is a natural instinct that we owe our survival to, but a fear is oftentimes irrational and makes some people avoid following their dreams.
And equally destructive is a fear of success, which prevents people from transforming their aspirations into reality yet for a completely different reason.
Fail Fast, Fail Often
- 15 min reading time
- audio version available
If you’re wondering how self-doubt might be holding you back, Fail Fast, Fail Often by Ryan Babineaux and John Krumboltz offers an eye-opening perspective. This book suggests that our fear of failure often stops us from seizing new opportunities and finding true happiness.
Babineaux, who holds a Master’s in psychology from Harvard, and Krumboltz, a prolific author and Stanford professor, argue that avoiding failure can hinder our growth. Instead, they propose embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process.
Whether it’s starting a business or pursuing a new hobby, failure teaches valuable lessons that pave the way for future success. The authors offer practical strategies for shifting our mindset and seeing failure as an opportunity for growth rather than a roadblock.
Accepting the Certainty of Setbacks
“Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s part of success.”
Many successful people prosper as a result of their failures — not despite them. These individuals understand that setbacks are stepping stones to success. The only way to truly fail is to stop trying to achieve a goal they’ve set their sights on before.
People grant themselves permission to fail without fear of punishment. This is a big part of enabling them to succeed.
How to Fail
- 15 min reading time
- audio version available
Author and podcaster Elizabeth Day explores this attitude toward success in her book How to Fail: Everything I’ve Ever Learned From Things Going Wrong. By examining the role that failure has played in her own life — as well as the lives of the luminaries she’s interviewed — Day demonstrates how people tend to reap great rewards when things go wrong.
She further explains how perceived failures are signs that we need to learn more about ourselves. In the end, failing at something could be the best thing that ever happens to you.
Quieting Your Inner Critic
Even if you understand that failure is inevitable, it can be easy to succumb to your inner critic and avoid disappointment at all costs. To change the way you think about success and failure, reverse negative thought patterns.
Although this can be challenging in certain circumstances. Fortunately, there is a way forward for even the most intimidated individuals.
You Are Not Your Brain
- 15 min reading time
- audio version available
In You Are Not Your Brain, authors Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding explain how to end our mind’s most destructive messages. They propose rewiring our brains to adopt new roles and functions with neuroplasticity.
This ability involves combining focused attention with an undying dedication to your dreams. Together, these forces can allow you to distinguish between destructive emotions and your actual self. When done correctly, this practice can reprogram your brain to work for you, not against you.
Don’t Let Fear Determine Your Future
Fear extinguishes far more dreams than failure does, yet by using our brains’ innate abilities, it’s possible to break through a never-ending cycle of negativity and learn to embrace defeat rather than run from it.
Ultimately, eliminating a deep-seated sense of insecurity requires far more than reciting famous failure quotes. But, there is plenty of wisdom to be gleaned from today’s top authors.
If you’re eager to conquer your fear of failure (or your fear of success), Blinkist makes it easy to absorb key insights from all the mentioned titles, as well as from thousands of other books in our ever-growing library of leading ficiotn and nonfiction books.
Don’t let fear stand in your way. Take the first step toward success today with our 7-day free trial!
