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How to Be Better at Sex: 6 Steps to Rock the Sheets

Learn how to be better at sex with open communication, playful exploration, and solutions for physical challenges. This guide offers tips for couples to create a more exciting and satisfying sex life.
by Chris Allmer | May 24 2024
How to Be Better at Sex: 6 Steps to Rock the Sheets

Let’s not just talk about sex, baby—let’s talk about really good, sweaty, ecstatic sex. The kind that, according to a recent study, a third of Americans are missing out on

That’s a lot, no?

So, how do you become better at sex? It’s all about building a strong emotional connection and communicating with your partner.

And in this Blinkist Magazine guide, we’ll explore both the physical and emotional aspects that can transform your sex life from “meh” to “mind-blowing.” So, let’s dive in and learn how to be better at sex!

How to be Better at Sex – in 6 Steps

Let’s spice things up! Great sex is more than a physical connection; it’s a full-on communication marathon that requires you to bring your A-game both inside and outside the bedroom. 

And here’s how to be better at sex, wherever it may happen—be it sheets, seats, or the great outdoors!

Step 1: When Your Partner Speaks, Listen

Before diving into your sexy fantasies, prioritize active listening. This means giving your partner your full attention, both verbally and nonverbally, and truly understanding their perspective. Here’s how you can be better at sex through active listening:

  • Put away distractions: 

Silence your phone, dim the lights, and create an environment that says, “I’m present for you and eager to hear what you have to say.”

  • Make eye contact and use open body language: 

Lean in slightly, maintain eye contact, and avoid crossing your arms to show genuine interest in what your partner has to say.

  • Offer verbal and nonverbal cues: 

Simple phrases like “hmm,” “tell me more,” or a gentle touch on the arm can show you’re engaged and encourage them to go into greater detail.

  • Ask clarifying questions: 

Don’t assume you understand. Use phrases like “Can you describe what kind of touch you find most pleasurable?” 


Is there anything specific you’d like to try in the bedroom?”.

If you’re really looking to master the art of conversation—not just in the sheets but everywhere—why not check out our collection, “How to Be a Good Listener: How to Achieve More by Saying Less”, with eight great book and podcast summaries to step up your listening game:


Step 2: Relax and be Playful

Once you’ve mastered active listening, the conversation becomes a playground for exploration. And forget the blunt questions, explore your desires more playfully:

Instead of: “What are your fantasies?

Try: “If we could create our own dream world, what kind of sensual adventure would we embark on together?

Also, games like “Truth or Dare” can be transformed with a sexy twist. 

For example, Truth: “What’s one secret fantasy you’ve always wanted to try?” 

Dare: Give me a massage using only…

Are you ready to play to better sex? Then join Blinkist’s Better Sex Challenge! And you will find book summaries about “Pleasure Activism” or “Urban Tantra.”


Step 3: Watch HOW you Communicate

Instead of accusatory statements that can put your partner on the defensive, use “I” statements to express your needs and desires in a way that encourages open communication.

Instead of:Why don’t you ever want to cuddle?” 

Try:I feel most connected when we cuddle and talk before intimacy. Is there anything you enjoy doing to feel close beforehand?

By actively listening, expressing your desires playfully, and using “I” statements, you can create a safe space for exploration and ignite a truly fulfilling sex life. It’s an ongoing journey, so keep the conversation flowing and enjoy the ride together!

Also check-out our summary of The Communication Code by Jeremie Kubicek & Steve Cockram. This book is all about taking your communication skills to superhero levels—vital if you want to be better at sex, and work on your communcation skills:


Step 4: Talk About Physical Challenges

Physical changes are a natural part of life, and sometimes they can affect your sex life. Don’t let these hurdles become roadblocks! Open communication is key to navigating them together and ultimately becoming better at sex – together:

  • Talk About Dryness:

Feeling a bit dry? It’s a common issue, so let’s talk about it without any hang-ups. Exploring different lubricant options can make a world of difference.

Water-based lubes bring a light, natural feel. Silicone-based lubricants might be better for longer-lasting sessions.

  • Seeking Medical Advice:

Dealing with erectile dysfunction or other sexual health concerns? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, facing it as a team can strengthen your bond. Schedule a visit to the doctor together.

  • Pelvic Floor Power:

Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can benefit both men and women. Make Kegel exercises fun, not a chore, and turn it into a shared experience that benefits your sex life in the long run.

If you want to dive “deeper” check out our summary of “Resurrecting Sex” on Blinkist. 


Step 5: Keep it Exciting

Shake off the routine because, let’s be real, the same old can get old fast. And because when it comes to how to be better at sex, keeping things fresh is key. Here’s a quick guide to keeping things lively and fun:

  • Flirt Like You Mean It:

Rekindle that early relationship spark! A playful note like, “Can’t stop thinking about tonight…” or “Ready for our next adventure?” can work wonders. It’s all about bringing back that flirtatious fun and anticipation.

  • Surprise:

Throw in a surprise candlelit dinner or spontaneous outing. A little unpredictability goes a long way in keeping the romance fiery.

  • Explore Together:

Why not explore the playful world of adult toys? It’s a fun, adventurous way to discover new pleasures together. Make a date out of it, with wine and laughs included.

Want to amp up your flirtation skills? Check out our Blinkist collection, “How to Flirt.” And learn the ins and outs of nonverbal cues and become a master of playful banter.

Bonus Tip: Explore the world of adult toys together! There’s a whole universe of options out there, and exploring them together can be a fun and adventurous way to discover new ways to pleasure each other.

Step 6: Ask for Help

Mastering how to be better at sex isn’t just about the fun and games—it also means knowing when to call in the pros for a little extra help. Here’s how to identify when it’s time to seek some outside expertise:

  • Persistent Performance Issues:

Struggling with issues like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or low libido? If your DIY fixes aren’t doing the trick, it might be time to chat with a sex therapist. These experts offer a safe, private space to dive into the problem.

  • Communication Breakdown:

If talking about sex is starting to feel more like a minefield than a pillow talk, a sex therapist can also help smooth things over. They’re not just sex gurus—they’re communication wizards, too, ready to help you and your partner get back to communicating comfortably and openly.

  • Emotional Issues:

Sometimes, the issues in the bedroom are just the tip of the iceberg. If deeper emotional issues like stress, anxiety, or past traumas are playing a part, it might be time to bring a therapist into the mix. 

If asking and receiving help is an issue for you, maybe take a look at our book summary, “Helping” by Edgar H. Schein. This book is perfect for anyone who wants to learn how to offer, give, and receive help more effectively.

Remember, figuring out how to be better at sex often includes recognizing when you need a hand.


Ready for Some Sexy Time?

Remember that first spark, the breathless nights, and the feeling of being truly connected? This Blinkist guide has shown you how to recapture that magic and create a sex life that’s both passionate and fulfilling.

We’ve explored the art of active listening, the power of playful communication, and strategies for addressing physical challenges. We’ve also offered tips on keeping things fresh and exciting, ensuring your sex life remains an ongoing adventure.

Are you ready to take the next step?

There’s a whole world of sex positivity waiting to be explored! In our collection, The Best Sex Books and Why You Should Know Them, you’ll find resources to deepen your understanding of intimacy, self-love, and pleasure.

Start your free 7-day trial today and learn how to be better at sex, together!

With Blinkist, you’ll have access to thousands of expertly curated book summaries on a variety of topics, including relationships, communication, and personal growth.

So why wait? Explore all of them:

Start your free 7-day trial

FAQs How to Be Better at Sex

Q: How to Have Sex?

A: For those new to the game: Start by talking openly with your partner about boundaries and consent. Foreplay is key to building intimacy, so take your time with it. Use protection to stay safe from STIs and prevent pregnancies. Make sure you’re both comfortable, focus on each other’s pleasure, and keep communicating throughout.

Q: How to Have the Best Sex Ever?

A: To have the best sex ever, strengthen your emotional connection with your partner. Try new positions and techniques, and be open about your desires. Stay healthy, practice mindfulness, and make sure both of you are relaxed and enjoying the moment

Q: How to Spice Up Your Sex Life?

A: To spice things up, try role-playing, exploring new locations, and using sex toys. Incorporate sensory play, talk dirty, and plan surprise dates. Dressing up in lingerie or costumes and watching or reading erotic media together can also add excitement and new ideas.

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