What I Lost summary

Struggling with an Eating Disorder

In What I Lost by Alexandra Ballard, we meet Elizabeth, a sixteen-year-old girl who is admitted to Wallingfield, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. Elizabeth, who has been diagnosed with anorexia, is determined to endure the program and return home as soon as possible. She believes that her mother, who is also obsessed with being a size zero, needs treatment as much as she does, if not more.

Elizabeth's journey at Wallingfield is marked by the challenges of adjusting to a new environment and dealing with her condition. She is met with resistance from her fellow patients and struggles to open up during group therapy sessions. As the story unfolds, we learn about the root causes of her eating disorder, including her parents' divorce and her mother's own unhealthy relationship with food.

Uncovering the Root of the Problem

While at Wallingfield, Elizabeth is assigned a project that requires her to write letters to her younger self, and it is through this exercise that she begins to unravel the root of her problem. She realizes that her obsession with being a size zero is not just about her appearance but also about gaining control over her life, especially in the face of her parents' separation.

Elizabeth also forms unexpected friendships with some of the other patients, particularly a girl named Lisa, who helps her see the importance of accepting herself as she is. These relationships, along with the guidance of her therapist, Dr. Laird, play a significant role in Elizabeth's healing process.

Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Recovery

As Elizabeth progresses through her treatment, she faces several setbacks. She struggles with her meal plans, experiences intense anxiety, and grapples with the fear of gaining weight. However, she also experiences moments of hope and progress, such as participating in a talent show and opening up about her struggles during group therapy.

Throughout What I Lost, Elizabeth's journey is marked by her internal battles, but also her growing determination to recover. She begins to understand that her worth is not determined by her weight or appearance, and that true healing involves addressing the emotional and psychological aspects of her disorder.

Acceptance and Moving Forward

As the story nears its conclusion, Elizabeth's perspective on recovery shifts. She acknowledges that her journey is far from over and that maintaining her progress will require ongoing effort. However, she also expresses a newfound sense of self-acceptance and a willingness to embrace the uncertainties of her future.

In the end, What I Lost is a poignant exploration of the complexities of eating disorders and the journey to recovery. Through Elizabeth's story, Ballard highlights the importance of seeking help, confronting underlying issues, and ultimately learning to accept and love oneself, flaws and all.