Try Softer summary

Understanding the Concept of Trying Softer

In Try Softer by Aundi Kolber, we are introduced to the concept of 'trying softer' as a way to approach life with more compassion and grace. Kolber, a licensed professional counselor, begins by sharing her personal journey of overcoming trauma and burnout, which led her to develop the 'try softer' approach. She explains that 'trying softer' is about embracing our vulnerability, acknowledging our pain, and learning to be kind to ourselves.

Kolber emphasizes the importance of understanding our nervous system and how it responds to stress. She introduces the concept of the 'window of tolerance', which represents the range of emotional and physiological states in which we can function effectively. When we are within this window, we can manage stress and respond to life's challenges in a healthy way. However, when we are pushed beyond our window of tolerance, we may experience anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.

Exploring the Impact of Trauma

The book delves into the impact of trauma on our nervous system, explaining how past experiences can shape our responses to present situations. Kolber introduces the concept of 'attachment styles' and explains how our early relationships influence our ability to regulate emotions and form healthy connections. She encourages readers to explore their own attachment styles and how they may be affecting their current relationships.

Kolber also discusses the role of shame in trauma, explaining how it can lead to self-criticism and a sense of unworthiness. She offers practical exercises and techniques to help readers recognize and challenge their shame-based beliefs, fostering a more compassionate and accepting view of themselves.

Practicing Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

In the latter part of Try Softer, Kolber introduces the practices of self-compassion and mindfulness as essential tools for 'trying softer'. She explains that self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend in times of suffering. Kolber provides exercises and meditations to help readers cultivate self-compassion in their daily lives.

Furthermore, Kolber explores the concept of mindfulness as a way to stay present and connected to our experiences. She introduces various mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing, body scans, and grounding exercises, to help readers regulate their nervous systems and manage stress more effectively.

Embracing a 'Try Softer' Lifestyle

In the final sections of the book, Kolber encourages readers to integrate the 'try softer' approach into their daily lives. She emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support from others. Kolber also highlights the role of community in healing, suggesting that connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide a sense of belonging and understanding.

In conclusion, Try Softer by Aundi Kolber offers a compassionate and holistic approach to healing from trauma and cultivating emotional resilience. By understanding our nervous systems, exploring our attachment styles, and practicing self-compassion and mindfulness, we can learn to 'try softer' and live more authentically. The book serves as a guide for anyone seeking to navigate life's challenges with greater gentleness and grace.