Create space in your life for everything you want to say "yes" to by learning to say "no", setting boundaries, and communicating with kindness. Blinkist's resident recovering people pleaser, Natalina Pereira offers strategies and tools to set clear boundaries at work, use nonviolent communication to express your needs, and to step out of your own narrative.
For most of us, saying no is difficult. We’ve learned to regard it as a negative word, a thing you only say when you don’t want something. I’ll explain why this isn’t the case. Far from being negative, no is an expression of positivity – a way of saying yes to the things you’re not saying no to.
Maybe this sounds familiar: You want to support your coworkers, so every time someone asks you for help, you say yes. But giving support in this way prevents you from attending to your work, forcing others to support you. If you don’t care for yourself, you can’t care for others – and setting boundaries is a crucial form of self-care.
Saying no, setting boundaries – it’s important but it’s not easy. People don’t like to hear the word “no.” So how should you approach challenging conversations? Nonviolent communication (NVC) is an invaluable tool for communicating your needs without causing harm. Try using the reflection sheet and vocabulary list below next time you have to have a tough talk.
During conflicts, it’s easy to get locked inside your own version of events, inside a story that you’re convinced is the truth. And, of course, the same goes for the person you’re in conflict with. One way to break the deadlock is to find a neutral Third Story.
Everything you’ve learned in this Guide is a skill: saying no, setting boundaries, engaging in nonviolent communication. And any skill can be mastered. Want to learn more and keep practicing? Check out the full Blinks below!
