Raising Human Beings Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Raising Human Beings

Einleitung anhören

00:00

Zusammenfassung von Raising Human Beings

Name: Raising Human Beings
Rating: 4.8 (26 reviews)
Author: Ross W. Greene

Ross W. Greene

Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child

4.8 (26 Bewertungen)

23 Min.

Inhaltsübersicht

Raising Human Beings
in 8 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 8

What’s in it for me? Transform your relationship with your child by learning how to solve problems together.

Parenting can be hard. We’re anxious for our children to turn out well and excel in the world. We want them to trust us and communicate openly, but we often repeat the mistakes our parents made – and end up locked in power struggles, resorting to threats and punishments.

The problem? As parents, we often don’t actually know what’s best for our children, because we don’t take the time to ask them what’s going on. Instead, we jump to conclusions and dole out unilateral solutions.

These blinks reveal a simple but revolutionary alternative: get your children on your team. By learning how to talk to your kids about their concerns, and your own, you’ll find you can work together to solve any underlying problems.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why a lack of motivation is never the real cause of bad grades;
how to recognize when your expectations for your children are unrealistic; and
why you should never try to solve problems in the heat of the moment.

Parenting doesn’t have to be a power struggle.

Parenting is a confusing business. While our own parents grew up with a handful of trusted books to call on, today we’re flooded with opinions and opinions on how to parent. We’re supposed to hold firm boundaries, but not be disciplinarians. We’re told to nurture our children, but never become the dreaded “helicopter parent.”

One of the biggest challenges for parents is power. When our children act out, we clamp down and try to enforce our will, because “we know best.” Often, we resort to violence: between 80 and 90 percent of toddlers in the US are hit by their parents. And these harsh tactics continue at school, where corporal punishment is legal in 19 states.

But the truth is, an authoritarian approach can only go so far. And when you’re in the grip of a power struggle with your child, you both lose.

When children act out or get into trouble, it can be tempting to treat them as if they themselves are the problem. But tantrums or bad grades are actually symptoms of the real issue. Instead of fixating on the behavior, it’s time to look for what’s causing it. And the best person to help you do that is your child.

Learning how to communicate is what will allow you to have influence as a parent, without resorting to authoritarian tactics. You need to get on the same team as your children and become an active collaborator in helping to resolve their worries. Don’t be an adversary.

Adopting this approach can be scary, especially at first. You might feel like you’re “going soft” or at risk of losing control. But, in reality, a big power play only gives you the illusion of control. Your child may well already be going behind your back if he doesn’t agree with your rules – you just don’t know it. By learning to communicate openly and honestly with him, you’ll build a relationship based on empathy and respect instead of fear and control.

Children aren’t always able to meet your expectations.

From the moment they’re born, children have expectations thrust upon them by you – their parents – and the wider world. Babies should sleep alone in a crib, interact with their parents, and eat solid foods at five months old. Toddlers should communicate verbally, be toilet trained, and develop complex physical skills. Later, children should sit still and pay attention as well as develop sophisticated social skills as they adapt to being at school.

Our expectations are based on our culture, upbringing, and experiences. If we had one child who behaved a certain way, we’ll often expect our other children to behave in a similar way. But children aren’t all the same. They’re born with unique character traits and desires. They’re born with strengths and limitations that are influenced – but not determined – by how they were raised.

When parents jump to conclusions, they often come up with the wrong solutions.

Consider the story of Sam. Sam was failing math class at school. He’d done well up to that point, so his parents decided his change in behavior must have been because he was lacking the motivation to keep doing well. They tried reasoning with him, and when that didn’t work, they tried to bribe him – with a longed-for computer game. When the bribe didn’t work, they resorted to threats, telling him that if his grades didn’t improve, he wouldn’t be able to play any computer games at all.

By now, Sam was frustrated and angry. His relationship with his parents became strained, and he stopped communicating openly with them. This was a big problem, because Sam’s math grades were still poor, and his parents still didn’t know the real reason.

The first step to collaborative problem-solving is learning to listen.

When was the last time you gave your full attention to what someone else was saying? We learn so many social skills growing up, but most of us are woefully bad at active listening. Sadly, that applies most of all when our kids are trying to tell us something.

Parents today shudder at the old saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” But, just like our Victorian ancestors, we don’t truly take their opinions seriously. Consider that even toddlers have strong views and emotions. They can feel uncomfortable, or scared, or angry. They have clear ideas about what they need and like. And they can give us vital information about what’s creating difficulty in their lives.

Define your concerns and invite your child to look for solutions together.

The funny thing about active listening is that it’s contagious. As soon as you start listening to your kids, they’ll be much more likely to consider your point of view as well. It turns out that the best way to teach empathy is by just being empathetic yourself.

In the next stage of collaborative problem-solving, you have the opportunity to share your concerns with your child honestly. For example, what is it about the fact that he squabbles with his sister that really worries you? This step is called the define-adult-concerns stage. Usually we skip this step and rush to find answers. But articulating your concerns will help you understand how to solve the problem – and will give your child a vital window into your world.

Taking a proactive approach will help solve conflicts before they begin.

Let’s take a look at the story of Denise, a single mom with three kids. Denise was frazzled. Try as she might, she simply couldn’t get her children out the door to school on time. The morning was a stressful blur as she barked instructions, cajoled, threatened, and pleaded in order to get them dressed and fed, get their school things packed, and set them on their way.

Part of Denise’s problem was that she was trying to solve problems in the heat of the moment. But because she and her children were so stressed out, no one was thinking clearly. If you want to find solutions to entrenched problems, don’t wait until you’re in the thick of it. That just leads to solving problems reactively.

Don’t let your anxiety derail your budding collaboration with your child.

Kristin and her teenage daughter Taylor were stuck in yet another screaming match. The problem? Taylor refused to pick up the phone when her mom called to check where she was. That only made Kristin more worried, and she responded by calling her daughter even more. They were locked in a toxic stalemate. Every time Kristin tried to talk to Taylor about it, the two of them just ended up in a fight. It didn’t seem like they could find any solutions.

Underlying Kristin’s behavior was a huge amount of anxiety. She was scared because her daughter had stopped telling her what was going on in her world, so she imagined the worst. And she felt completely powerless. Kristin was using every authoritarian tactic available to try to feel more in control. But her daughter just ignored her threats and punishments, and retreated further.

Collaborative problem-solving teaches children how to be emotionally intelligent adults.

Violence rages all around the world. You don’t have to look far to find examples of leaders declaring war, refusing to listen to their citizens’ concerns, or asserting their will with shows of authoritarian power.

Do these dynamics sound familiar? That’s because they’re eerily similar to authoritarian parenting – a style in which a parent imposes solutions from above and doesn’t really stop to listen. Current events and our long history show that humans have the capacity to behave very badly. We can be selfish and impulsive and violent. But we can also be kind and empathetic. We can build and create, as well as destroy. As a parent, you will want to nurture positive qualities in your children. But you need to be willing to model the behaviors, too.

Du möchtest die gesamte Zusammenfassung von Raising Human Beings sehen?

Kernaussagen in Raising Human Beings

Mehr Wissen in weniger Zeit

Sachbücher auf den Punkt gebracht

Kernaussagen aus Sachbüchern in ca. 15 Minuten pro Titel lesen & anhören mit den „Blinks”

Zeitsparende Empfehlungen

Titel, die dein Leben bereichern, passend zu deinen Interessen und Zielen

Podcasts in Kurzform ^Neu

Kernaussagen wichtiger Podcasts im Kurzformat mit den neuen „Shortcasts”

Worum geht es in Raising Human Beings?

Raising Human Beings (2016) is part practical guide and part manifesto about the power of collaborative problem-solving. Using threats, bribes, and punishments doesn’t change children’s behavior sustainably. That’s because you just end up suppressing the symptoms of the problem, instead of addressing the root cause. Instead of engaging in power struggles, try asking your children what’s really going on, and brainstorming solutions together. Not only will you come up with better solutions – your relationship will improve dramatically.

Wer Raising Human Beings lesen sollte

Parents in the grip of a power struggle with their children
Prospective parents who want to learn to communicate constructively
Educators and youth workers looking for new approaches to working with the children in their care

Über den Autor

Dr. Ross W. Greene served on the faculty of Harvard Medical School for over 20 years. He’s the founder and director of Lives in Balance, and the creator of the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions approach. He gives lectures all over the world, and consults at schools, psychiatric facilities, and juvenile detention centers.

Kategorien mit Raising Human Beings

Kommunikation & Soft Skills Elternschaft

Ähnlich wie Raising Human Beings

The Explosive Child

Ross W. Greene

A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

17 min

4.6

No-Drama Discipline

Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

17 min

4.5

The Self-Driven Child

William Stixrud and Ned Johnson

The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

Why we can’t stop fighting – and how to get great stuff done despite our differences

A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids

18 min

4.5

Hold on to Your Kids

Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

16 min

4.3

Unlocking Parental Intelligence

Laurie Hollman

Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior

23 min

4.4

One Small Step Can Change Your Life

A Scientifically Proven Process for Changing Your Life – for Good

Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family

Everybody falls, but the key is knowing how to get up again

20 min

4.4

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Lindsay C. Gibson

How to Heal from Difficult, Rejecting, or Self-involved Parents

Short Life Advice from the Best in the World

Your Personal Guide to the Mastery of Magic Words

Changing Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding

19 min

4.4

Making Great Relationships

Rick Hanson

Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love

20 min

4.5

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Dale Carnegie

Basic rules for how to make a good first impression

New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind

28 min

4.7

Million Dollar Habits

Brian Tracy

Proven Power Practices to Double and Triple Your Income

The Psychology of Persuasion

33 min

4.6

The School of Greatness

Lewis Howes

A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy

The Navy SEAL Way to an Extraordinary Life

The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviour

Leading Flexible Teams To Do The Best Work of Their Lives

19 min

3.8

Raising Cain

Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson

Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

19 min

4.1

The Yes Brain

Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity and Resilience in Your Child

The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked

How The New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish

The New Evolutionary Science of Who We Are, Where We Come From, and What Makes Us Happy

A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment

19 min

4.5

The Emotional Lives of Teenagers

Lisa Damour

Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents

How Philosophy Can Help Us Find Our Way

Step-By-Step Solutions to Consciously Create the Ultimate Parent-Child Relationship

End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back

14 min

4.3

Terrence Real

Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

20 min

4.7

How to Raise an Adult

Julie Lythcott-Haims

Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

16 min

4.5

The Five Core Conversations for Couples

David Bulitt and Julie Bulitt

Expert Advice about How to Develop: Effective Communication, a Long-Term Financial Plan, Cooperative Parenting Strategies, Mutually Satisfying Sex, and Work-Life Balance

15 min

4.1

Voice Lessons for Parents

Wendy Mogel

What to Say, How to Say it, and When to Listen

19 min

4.3

Reinventing Your Life

Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behaviour...and Feel Great Again

How to free yourself from philosophical dogmas and assert your own values

The New Science of Leading Change

How to Think and Act Like the Most Successful and Highest-Paid People in Every Field

26 min

4.2

Built to Move

Kelly Starrett & Juliet Starrett

The Ten Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully

The Theory of Multiple Intelligences

28 min

4.5

Willpower Doesn't Work

Benjamin Hardy

Discover the Hidden Keys to Success

18 min

4.3

Boundaries

Henry Cloud and John Townsend

When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

A Revolutionary Approach to Success

The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

18 min

4.4

Tiny Beautiful Things

Cheryl Strayed

Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

13 min

4.1

Redefine Wealth for Yourself

Patrice Washington with Candice L Davis

How to Stop Chasing Money, Finally Live Your Life's Purpose and Find Fulfillment

17 min

4.4

❤️ für Blinkist️️️

Ines S.

Ich bin begeistert. Ich liebe Bücher aber durch zwei kleine Kinder komme ich einfach nicht zum Lesen. Und ja, viele Bücher haben viel bla bla und die Quintessenz ist eigentlich ein Bruchteil.

Genau dafür ist Blinkist total genial! Es wird auf das Wesentliche reduziert, die Blinks sind gut verständlich, gut zusammengefasst und auch hörbar! Das ist super. 80 Euro für ein ganzes Jahr klingt viel, aber dafür unbegrenzt Zugriff auf 3000 Bücher. Und dieses Wissen und die Zeitersparnis ist unbezahlbar.

Ekaterina S.

Extrem empfehlenswert. Statt sinnlos im Facebook zu scrollen höre ich jetzt täglich zwischen 3-4 "Bücher". Bei manchen wird schnelle klar, dass der Kauf unnötig ist, da schon das wichtigste zusammen gefasst wurde..bei anderen macht es Lust doch das Buch selbständig zu lesen. Wirklich toll

Nils S.

Einer der besten, bequemsten und sinnvollsten Apps die auf ein Handy gehören. Jeden morgen 15-20 Minuten für die eigene Weiterbildung/Entwicklung oder Wissen.

Julia P.

Viele tolle Bücher, auf deren Kernaussagen reduziert- präzise und ansprechend zusammengefasst. Endlich habe ich das Gefühl, Zeit für Bücher zu finden, für die ich sonst keine Zeit habe.