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The 5 Love Languages

The Secret to Love That Lasts

By Gary Chapman
  • Read in 16 minutes
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  • Contains 10 key ideas
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The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages (2015) is a contemporary guide to developing a relationships of lifelong love that can easily overcome the hurdles that modern couples face. These blinks detail the five ways people give and feel love, and how any couple can use this knowledge to make their relationship more nurturing, affectionate and compassionate.

Key idea 1 of 10

Love is a human need that’s defined by your emotional well-being.

If there’s one word in the English language that’s both absolutely essential and totally confusing it’s the word “love.” But despite its countless meanings, philosophers and religious thinkers alike agree that love is essential to a full and fulfilling life.

So how should you think about love?

Well, first of all it’s important not to get confused by the word’s many definitions. Instead you should concentrate on the type of love that’s key to your emotional health. So, while we use the word in countless ways – in reference to objects like ice cream, cars or jewelry; to describe our feelings about activities like jogging, hiking and dancing; and when talking about emotional connections to parents or partners – we also use it to pin down a romantic feeling.

And the easiest way to define what love means to you is to take a look at the sources of your emotional fulfillment. That’s because the need to be loved and appreciated is rooted deep in human nature. For instance, child psychologists have shown that all children have emotional needs that, if left unmet, can result in emotional instability.

The most important ones?

Love and affection.

So, love is clearly important and you need a way to measure it. One way to gauge whether your emotional needs are being met is to pay attention to your love tank. Just as a car can’t drive without gas, you can’t function without love, and if your need for love and affection isn’t adequately met you’ll end up with an empty tank. Keeping your love tank full is an essential component of a healthy marriage. All solid marriages require fuel.

For example, the author has a client who thinks that financial gain and material possessions can’t compensate for an empty love tank. The way he sees it, a fancy house, expensive cars and a beach house don’t mean anything if your wife doesn’t love you.

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